12:06:00
Shola Alade
Thursday, April 30, 2015
If I ever have a son, I hope I’ll be able to create an environment where he feels comfortable asking me for advice — especially when it comes to relationships.
When the time comes for him to start chasing girls, I’d like to think he’d come to me whenever he needs a little motherly wisdom.
But, even if he’s too embarrassed to ask me directly, maybe he’ll find this list and be able to spare himself the shame of asking Mommy for help with the ladies:
1. Girls are confusing.
Sometimes, girls don’t know what they want. We often get these grandiose ideals stuck in our heads.
Expectations that are just shy of a Cinderella story will sometimes make you feel like you can never win.
If your taste is anything like your father’s, you’ll probably find yourself going after a girl who is frustratingly indecisive.
You will need to learn patience because a girl like that won’t know what she wants 100 percent of the time, just as you will at times find yourself helplessly confused.
2. We need frequent reminders you care.
Please don’t neglect the power of a little reassurance and a few simple words.
Yes, actions stand far more powerful than any string of syllables, but be someone whose words are meaningful and able to be trusted.
Being able to voice your emotions counts as an action, too.
3. She might seem crazy, and maybe she is, but it’s probably because she cares.
Sometimes, you have to cut the girl a break. “Clingy,” “crazy” and “caring” are interchangeable adjectives used far too often in relationships.
The things she says may seem dramatic, but just like Big Sean says in “Beware,”“Girls only say ‘hate you’ to the guys they love.”
Don’t be so quick to dismiss her with the “crazy” label. Meeting a girl who doesn’t care enough will make you appreciate the one who was always there.
4. Some girls are manipulative — stay away from those ones.
It’s almost inevitable you will meet a girl who just wants to use you.
She’ll be the snake wrapped around the shiny red apple, egging you to come closer, just so she can bite and slither away laughing.
This is the girl who never liked you in the first place.
This is the girl who realized your worth only after you wised up and forgot her.
This is the girl who doesn’t like herself enough to act with any self-respect or grace.
She will paint herself to look better than she is, but when you dig deeper, you’ll see she’s just hollow.
You may have to get bitten a few times before you can spot these types on your own.
5. Go after the girl who keeps you pulled in.
Don’t waste your youth on someone who bores you, or makes you feel less than full. When you want something more than a good time, go for the girl who always keeps you running forward.
The girl who’s always a little mysterious, even when it seems you know everything about her. You’ll know you found this girl by a feeling; there won’t be a concrete sign.
6. Be honest, and she’ll never be able to say you were an assh*le.
There will be times when your flings or relationships will reach their limits. They will come to dead ends and you will want to cut them off and move on.
Be honest; be the guy who was straightforward about his intentions and you’ll never be the assh*le she tried to make you out to be to her friends.
7. If you wanna be her lover, you gotta get with her friends (thanks, Spice Girls).
Just as the opinions of your friends will matter, so will those of her inner circle. Girls want to show off their relationships.
They want to take pictures and sit on your lap and brag about you to their friends.
You will be a constantly reoccurring subject when she’s with her girls. If keeping this girl around is of extreme importance to you, try your best not to cause any animosity between you and the other people with whom she splits her free time.
8. If I don’t like her, that’s a problem.
You can date whomever you want — I won’t be that mom. But, if things between you and a girl progress into something serious and I don’t like her, it won’t be for some petty, ridiculous reason.
It’ll be because I know you and raised you the best I could. It’ll be because I see something wrong that you may be blind to.
Parents know more about you than you think; I, myself, have only recently come to terms with this.
9. If you love her, but your friends don’t, question your friends first.
I’ve witnessed too many dickhead guys ruin their best friend’s relationships out of jealousy to allow this to ever happen to you.
Any friend who takes an immediate opposition to a relationship that makes you happy is only acting out of selfishness. Do not let a situation like this rip you away from someone you really want.
10. Being heartbroken will suck, but it happens to everyone.
Everyone will experience love loss. When you experience it, it will feel like something only you are going through, like you are the most tortured guy on earth.
But, you’ll listen to some old-school Drake and drive around repressing your man tears and get too drunk with your buddies and then time will inevitably heal what was broken. You’ll be okay.
11. Have your fun while you can.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking anyone is allowed to tie you down or hold you back. In high school, you’re still a baby.
You will feel grown up, but college will soon change that view.
In college, you will still be so, so young. There will be no need to settle down with one girl if you don’t want to.
Take your time and do what you want. No friend or girl has any right to pressure you into anything.
Your 20s will be your time and you should live it up before real life smacks you in the face. I’m giving you permission 20-some years in advance. Just use condoms for God’s sake — that’s all I ask.
12. When you find the one, make her believe she’s the best thing you’ve ever had.
When you’ve finally found the girl who makes you happy most of the time, makes you better, makes you think and makes you understand the lyrics in songs on a personal level, make sure you give back all that she gives you.
If she’s the best thing you’ve ever had, do and say everything you can to ensure she believes it.
You’ll learn love is what drives mostly everything in life, as corny and clichéd as it sounds, and taking extra care of the things we love is the master key to happiness.
When the time comes for him to start chasing girls, I’d like to think he’d come to me whenever he needs a little motherly wisdom.
But, even if he’s too embarrassed to ask me directly, maybe he’ll find this list and be able to spare himself the shame of asking Mommy for help with the ladies:
1. Girls are confusing.
Sometimes, girls don’t know what they want. We often get these grandiose ideals stuck in our heads.
Expectations that are just shy of a Cinderella story will sometimes make you feel like you can never win.
If your taste is anything like your father’s, you’ll probably find yourself going after a girl who is frustratingly indecisive.
You will need to learn patience because a girl like that won’t know what she wants 100 percent of the time, just as you will at times find yourself helplessly confused.
2. We need frequent reminders you care.
Please don’t neglect the power of a little reassurance and a few simple words.
Yes, actions stand far more powerful than any string of syllables, but be someone whose words are meaningful and able to be trusted.
Being able to voice your emotions counts as an action, too.
3. She might seem crazy, and maybe she is, but it’s probably because she cares.
Sometimes, you have to cut the girl a break. “Clingy,” “crazy” and “caring” are interchangeable adjectives used far too often in relationships.
The things she says may seem dramatic, but just like Big Sean says in “Beware,”“Girls only say ‘hate you’ to the guys they love.”
Don’t be so quick to dismiss her with the “crazy” label. Meeting a girl who doesn’t care enough will make you appreciate the one who was always there.
4. Some girls are manipulative — stay away from those ones.
It’s almost inevitable you will meet a girl who just wants to use you.
She’ll be the snake wrapped around the shiny red apple, egging you to come closer, just so she can bite and slither away laughing.
This is the girl who never liked you in the first place.
This is the girl who realized your worth only after you wised up and forgot her.
This is the girl who doesn’t like herself enough to act with any self-respect or grace.
She will paint herself to look better than she is, but when you dig deeper, you’ll see she’s just hollow.
You may have to get bitten a few times before you can spot these types on your own.
5. Go after the girl who keeps you pulled in.
Don’t waste your youth on someone who bores you, or makes you feel less than full. When you want something more than a good time, go for the girl who always keeps you running forward.
The girl who’s always a little mysterious, even when it seems you know everything about her. You’ll know you found this girl by a feeling; there won’t be a concrete sign.
6. Be honest, and she’ll never be able to say you were an assh*le.
There will be times when your flings or relationships will reach their limits. They will come to dead ends and you will want to cut them off and move on.
Be honest; be the guy who was straightforward about his intentions and you’ll never be the assh*le she tried to make you out to be to her friends.
7. If you wanna be her lover, you gotta get with her friends (thanks, Spice Girls).
Just as the opinions of your friends will matter, so will those of her inner circle. Girls want to show off their relationships.
They want to take pictures and sit on your lap and brag about you to their friends.
You will be a constantly reoccurring subject when she’s with her girls. If keeping this girl around is of extreme importance to you, try your best not to cause any animosity between you and the other people with whom she splits her free time.
8. If I don’t like her, that’s a problem.
You can date whomever you want — I won’t be that mom. But, if things between you and a girl progress into something serious and I don’t like her, it won’t be for some petty, ridiculous reason.
It’ll be because I know you and raised you the best I could. It’ll be because I see something wrong that you may be blind to.
Parents know more about you than you think; I, myself, have only recently come to terms with this.
9. If you love her, but your friends don’t, question your friends first.
I’ve witnessed too many dickhead guys ruin their best friend’s relationships out of jealousy to allow this to ever happen to you.
Any friend who takes an immediate opposition to a relationship that makes you happy is only acting out of selfishness. Do not let a situation like this rip you away from someone you really want.
10. Being heartbroken will suck, but it happens to everyone.
Everyone will experience love loss. When you experience it, it will feel like something only you are going through, like you are the most tortured guy on earth.
But, you’ll listen to some old-school Drake and drive around repressing your man tears and get too drunk with your buddies and then time will inevitably heal what was broken. You’ll be okay.
11. Have your fun while you can.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking anyone is allowed to tie you down or hold you back. In high school, you’re still a baby.
You will feel grown up, but college will soon change that view.
In college, you will still be so, so young. There will be no need to settle down with one girl if you don’t want to.
Take your time and do what you want. No friend or girl has any right to pressure you into anything.
Your 20s will be your time and you should live it up before real life smacks you in the face. I’m giving you permission 20-some years in advance. Just use condoms for God’s sake — that’s all I ask.
12. When you find the one, make her believe she’s the best thing you’ve ever had.
When you’ve finally found the girl who makes you happy most of the time, makes you better, makes you think and makes you understand the lyrics in songs on a personal level, make sure you give back all that she gives you.
If she’s the best thing you’ve ever had, do and say everything you can to ensure she believes it.
You’ll learn love is what drives mostly everything in life, as corny and clichéd as it sounds, and taking extra care of the things we love is the master key to happiness.
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